suicideI normally do not hesitate before writing a blog post, but this time I did. In the past ten days, I have heard about three suicides. These are from people I know who were impacted by this – thankfully I personally did not know them, but this was not just blatant news. Before this, I think I knew of one suicide in my life time. Thankfully, I have never had a direct friend or family member who went that route.

Suicide is something I simply cannot understand. I just can’t comprehend it. No matter how bad life is for you – I just can’t understand why someone would do it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging anyone – I am just saying, I don’t understand the rational.

No matter how bad things are, committing suicide hurts so many more people. I hate to say this publicly, but to me, it seems like a selfish act. Of course, I cannot comprehend how bad life is for people who think about doing such acts – so me saying that, is easy for me to say and does unjust to those who suffer with these conditions (if it is a condition).

I just wonder, do sane people commit suicide?

Religiously, I know both in Judaism and Christianity, suicide is frowned upon. In the Jewish world, someone who commits suicide technically should not have a eulogy and should not be buried in the main section of a Jewish cemetery. I think similar rules apply in other religions. But many Rabbis get around this rule due to the sanity claim. If a person was not him/herself then it really was a sickness and thus the person can be given a proper funeral. I get that.

Which gets me back to the question, do sane people commit suicide?

There are certain, but rare, circumstances where Jews are allowed to take their own life. I forget all the situations, but they are rare.

Tough topic – just incredible that three people that I know have experience a friend or family member take such extreme action to end their suffering.

Website Comments

  1. Hammy Havoc
    Reply

    Personally, I have known several people to have committed suicide and to have attempted it, I can understand some people being unable to take emotional pain and anguish but this is not in the mindset of the majority of the populace.

    Sane people do commit suicide, sometimes over silly things, some people do not have much trauma from their birth to their early 20s and are very cushioned by their parents in terms of emotional security, yet when they finally leave home, they have nobody to fall back on or rely upon and when they finally get hurt by something or suffer extreme stress or grief, they do not known how to deal with it as they have not developed coping methods and thus do the first thing that springs to mind for them: Take themselves out of the world and stop experiencing pain and emotion, whilst no longer disappointing their family by asking for help as they believe they must be independent and deal with everything on their own.

    People who tell people they are going to kill themselves, generally do not as it deemed to be more of an emotional threat and a plea for attention (In a positive way, they need somebody to comfort and help them).

    Some individuals have a lot of emotions bottled up, whilst appearing happy on the outside and strong, inside they are destroyed, eventually when they suffer sleepless nights and are unable to concentrate and feel they have nothing left to offer the world, they take their own lives.

    Very unfortunate and sad considering that the majority of cases are sane people who can be helped with some lessons in coping mechanisms.

  2. Kat
    Reply

    I agree with your Barry, I don’t understand why someone would end their own life. To date, I’ve had 2 friends commit suicide. Each time, I was angry and frustrated that the friend in question sought to end their life rather than seek help from family and loved ones.

    Do sane people commit suicide? Yes they do. But in my experience, it’s an impulsive, depressed or angry action. A “temporary insanity” that has drastic consequences.

  3. Brad
    Reply

    I understand fully why people commit suicide. If you do not understand suicide, count yourself very very lucky. I almost wish I could say I do not understand suicide and see it as selfish if it meant that I personally never had been in so much pain to consider suicide. Unfortunately, that is not the case and I still struggle with suicidal ideation due to emotional pain. However, at least now I have the compassion for those that have completed suicide and are contemplating suicide. A double edged sword to be sure.

    In my opinion it takes so much courage to commit or complete suicide as some call it. The will to live is extremely strong. Do not think that people that commit suicide are unaware of the pain it will cause others. That does stop some people from committing suicide. What should be apparent is the enormous emotional pain that this person has and is enduring that drives them to complete the act of suicide over every other consideration.

    It is to me like this; A weight is put on your shoulders, then another, then another and so forth. At some point one will collapse i.e. suicide in the case we are talking about. These are suicides where the individual simply can’t handle the pain any longer. Do you not think they are in not in extreme anguish about leaving this world and their loved one. That they are not aware of the hurt that will be caused? The pain is simply more than they can bare.

    Yes, sane people kill themselves. It is been notable especially in military defeats. Take the Japaneses in WWII for a good example. Or, take someone with terminal Cancer who chooses to end their lives while they are still able. And to do so in the manner they choose, sometimes with assistance by family and medical professionals. Are these suicides selfish acts? I don’t know about the first, the second instance no in my opinion.

    The Bible does not specifically speak against Suicide. If one takes the commandment that thou should not kill as including Suicide then there is an argument there I suppose, but not for me.
    Then again a thorough examination of the Bible does not specifically condemn homosexuality or slavery and has plenty of stories of murder,pillaging,adultery etc. to make thousands of juicy movies and novels for decades to come. But, God does forgive many of these acts in the Bible. I would argue that Suicide would be one of them.

    Western European society has a tremendously hard time with the Suicide issue unlike other cultures. No doubt a large part if not most is based in religion,not the Bible’s writings.

    Personally, I’d like to see Suicides considered with compassion,understanding and love. A continued attitude of Suicides as evil, sinful, selfish etc. only serves to discount their lives, place them in the “going to hell status” for those so inclined to think this way and stigmatize their families.

  4. Angela
    Reply

    For some people who don’t understand why people commit suicide, perhaps they have not experience s much pain in their life. Yes there are always solutions to problems, we can always move forward and start a new life and those sort of things. But for someone suffering, we cannot really imagine the pain and troubles, frustrations they have. It could also be attributed to their culture, Japan has a high rate of suicide. There are so many things and it’s easy for us to say that you should have done this and that, people get depressed, ’til they no longer can handle. I’ve attempted suicide. about thrice already, crazy yet but I guess sometimes you just wanted to stop breathing and give up on life. I was just lucky I’m still here and realize that I could still make the best out of life…anyway, those who commit suicide are not crazy and for me it’s not a selfish act…if you understand why they do it… then you will know…

  5. jacob
    Reply

    On 9-11 I was on the west side of the north tower to see what was going on. There were rumors and it seemed unlikely I’d be able to get to my office on the 101st floor.

    Cops were evacuating to the east side of the tower and there werent that many people on the west side.

    As I got closer I saw there were debris coming down. It was difficult to see as it was coming from pretty high up. When I realized we were actually seeing people jumping, I quickly left.

    I can see jumping to avoid a fire as the heat and smoke can be extremely intense.

  6. Werner
    Reply

    Suicide can be the result of a lifetime of bad choices combined with fear. Emptiness and loneliness add to the problem. If you are old and sick then the combination is complete. There are times when death is the only answer because you are almost there anyway.

  7. cindy
    Reply

    A friend’s husband completed suicide on Father’s Day two days after he got divorce papers. He left a note on the door to his home to his daughter that he knew would be coming home to call 911. He was in the house. Those that have attempted…..why would he do it on Father’s Day? He was not sick, old or being treated for any mental illness. Hell of a way to leave a legacy to his daughter. I think revenge and control can be possible motivators. He was a controlling person.

  8. Anonymous
    Reply

    You don’t understand the rational of suicide until one day you somehow fit into those types of shoes. Let me give you a virtual experience. I’m currently suicidal, and have told no one because everybody who knows me assumes I’m happy go lucky and seldom is seriously bothering me. They couldn’t be any further from the word right. The rational of suicide is definable my friend. Like I said, until you’re actually a first hand victim of it, you won’t have a clue.

    For me, i feel like this world is a prison. That we are all ants under a far more superior control. We are living in a boundless universe and yet i feel we can go no further than Pluto. That the only way to explore further into depth is through taking of your own life. What I’m saying sounds far fetched but friend, we all have a more than odd motive for our potential suicidal actions.

    As well as the above reason I also have many other personal reasons which I am going to share with you. I’ve gotten rejected a numerous times. I don’t have many people that I call true friends, I’m 17 and have not had a 1st kiss, I’m continuously patronized shamelessly by some so called “friends” in school and I make terrible first impressions making it impossible to so much as redeem myself from the metaphorical pit. Man, I feel suicidal (to a high extreme) and vary between contemplating what is (as you say) the logic or rational behind it. I can only explain it through minor and major experiences and they are a few.

    I also used to be somewhat religious but I now spend the night cursing at God (if he is there) to help me as I already don’t ask for much. I’m losing my religious belief and think the world and religion has corrupted itself.

    I don’t necessarily want to die but ament keen on living either (for the most part) and then I end up being overtly and shamelessly pro suicide. Suicide is a very difficult concept friend. It’s like swine flu, your life is only at risk with it through underlying complications if you get my drift. I have far too many and am not sure whether my relevance on this earth is applaudable or significant. I want to be able to change what makes this earth a horror to love on at times. But when I voice my opinion it’s seldom heard. When they rarely hear me speak I feel a certain confidence but when I cry, I cry alone.

    Isn’t it strange how when you’re on top of the world people will make it their initiative to diminish your only spirit yet when unbalanced and on the verge of breakdown, extreme aid and consolation is immediately lanced in your direction? Isn’t life just a painting on canvas of a blurry portrait presenting a picture that only you know of?

    I don’t have a real life. Something inside me is sleeping and I’m the figment of it’s nightmare.

    Suicide is truly something ambiguous.

  9. Marc
    Reply

    Ambiguous is a good word for it – I have met the extremes of opinion on suicide. I don’t think anywhere near the extreme is helpful. I’ve only seen it (first and second hand) to be frustrating and causing defeatist feelings.

    One who will discuss suicide like an elite club that only ‘those affected’ can understand builds a wall isolating themself from potential help. Nobody truly understands what Anyone is going through – if they did suicide and mental illness wouldn’t be such an intangible problem. (Ie. Is it or isn’t it a disease? Is a cold a disease? What’s the difference?) This does not mean that Everybody understands Nothing about Anyone else – and in fact can be a motivator for key, open-minded people to learn how to approach something their life experiences haven’t opened them up to as of yet.

    One who instantly names a suicidal person as selfish has labelled them eternally. That’s a mighty high assumption to make. I’m very sure there are selfish (and unselfish) cases, but this seems like a moot point to me. Putting the Cart in front of the Horse maybe. Shouldn’t the focus be more preventative and positive, if not only for showing compassion for a fellow human being who has died. It may have been a mistake, it may have been to spite an innocent ancillary, it may have been the cause of too much thought and the weight of the Guilt of that thought. Regardless, the brain-wiring in humankind (and most life) is set for survival. Something is disastrously wrong when enough circumstances (situational depression, chemical depression, rage issues, lack of impulse control, etc) have stacked up against this will to live. I think people who jump to the ‘selfish’ argument won’t have considered this point of view. If they had considered it more fully, or perhaps first-hand in their own life, it might not be so easy to write-off tortured and confused pain as thoughtless.

    I hope anybody reading this for help finds it. Personally, I’ve some experience and it’s possible somebody could benefit from my positive changes.
    I learned more about the EPBC Cognitive Behavioural relationships – how your senses, thoughts, physiological reactions and active behaviour are all interrelated.

    I also became a bit more acquainted philosophically with the 5 stages of grief. These stages did not even represent death for me, rather addiction & a major life change. Consider that there may be something to learn about yourself.

    If you suffer from the vulnerable sharing dilemma, where after you talk with somebody about something deeply personal and meaningful or pleaful – you feel embarrassed, angry, frustrated, stupid, resentful and especially lost; try to quiet your mind on how your friend has let you down. As this blog will show you, people can’t help but have their own experiences and they may not be able to help you in the way that you need – but chances are very likely they will want to more than they seem. It’s an awkward topic that many people register very badly to, so try to have some thick-skin when sharing something personal. If you find somebody who responds well to your darker thoughts, talk as openly as you feel to them – but perhaps keep in mind it can be very overwhelming for anybody who isn’t a trained professional to hear constant conversation that is dark and possibly terrifying for them as well.

    All my un-invited, but hopefully welcome thoughts. I would say that sane people do commit suicide, but generally the emotions and environment of potential suicide seem to tip the scales on the side of one less in control of their thoughts and behaviour.

    And of course, there’s my more real belief that sanity is as ambiguous as suicide.

  10. Beka
    Reply

    I’ve been suicidal, on and off, since I was 12 or 13 – I’m now 24, so I guess it wasn’t terminal …

    I found this blog just because I googled ‘committing suicide’. I dunno why, I just felt like it. I think maybe the act of searching for info about suicide, or tying a noose, or cutting yourself etc is a type of release, so you can get a bit of relief from the feelings without having to do anything irreversible. It’s a way of knowing that there is a way out, if things get too bad.

    I don’t know if only ‘insane’ people commit suicide. I’ve had a ‘mental illness’ for almost as long as I can remember, but I don’t consider myself ‘insane’. I’m no doctor, but as far as I can see, insane people don’t or can’t recognise reality, while sane people who are also mentally ill can see reality, but can’t participate in it. We can see what’s normal, but can’t be part of it.

    I dunno.

    Anywayz, I see your point, about suicide being selfish. At times it’s only been the knowledge that my mum would suffer that’s kept me from offing myself, and believe me, I’ve had reason enough to do it.

    Sometimes, just talking about it helps, even if it’s just on the web with strangers, so thanks.

  11. Kiss the sky
    Reply

    I think the concept of gratitude and suicide are highly related, and quite philosophical ! In my world view I dont believe I should feel grateful for having been born !!  Its not something I wanted, and I regard the “god power”‘s ***involuntary birth mechanism***, in play for all of known history, affecting everything that has ever lived, plant or animal, as a slavery mechanism, and chickenshit. Otherwise, why cant the god power be fair and allow spirits the right to choose if they want to be born ? The reason why the “god power” doesnt do this is clear – only about 2% would then make that choice. There goes 98% of the project, they all declined. The most likely reason how things came to be – we are merely a forgotten science experiment – created by some distant extra terrestrial intelligence – this would most plausibly explain life on earth and thus also the mechanism.

    However, all that being said, once you are unlucky enough to be “born” – might as well make the best of things. However since we have no control over where we will be born – one’s life can start out rather harshly – esp in places where there is insufficient water / food – it is simply ok at any point on ones life to reject the god power’s involuntary slavery mechanism without guilt or fear. 

    “Being born is a step down”…. 
    “Kids occur to people who have not yet learned that the path to spiritual improvement lies in rejecting slavery. ”
    “True love – the deepest kind – occurs at a level higher than “planet earth existence”
    “Suicide is, for some, realization that the creator is long gone and could care less – a return to the pre life-on-Earth existence” 

  12. Anonymous
    Reply

    It’s difficult for someone to imagine the deep feelings of hopelessness, despair and being trapped in their life unless you have had the misfortune of being there. You end up with the cursed feeling that your very soul and your spirit have perished before your body is ready to depart this earth and that you are thus trapped to either endure this feeling of living death or to equalize your mortal being with your deceased spirit.

    I believe that the general thinking that seeking help through counselling and psychiatry is nothing but pure foolishness. I hope it does work for others, but I find the notion that “words” can solve such dark feelings of hopeless and despair impossible to accept and hopelessly naive. When things get this bad, no one can help you and seeking help only makes things worse because you can legally be incarcerated and then isolated like a leper by those who don’t understand you.

    I believe that each person has the right to end their life to eliminate the tortune and pain that plagues them. I’ve been suicidal for five long years now and have been living with this intense and unending pain only because I am scared of the pain that my death will bring to my wife.

  13. Tess
    Reply

    I too know those feelings of being trapped in your life. Even though I was empty inside, I felt my son had a better chance with me than those who would take care of him after my death which kept me alive but with years of emptiness and pain. That was thirty years ago and I am still here. It was a very long road, and I know it does not work for everyone, but medication did help. I had my trial and errors with them but for the most part, the pain is gone and I can think more rationally. There has been and may still be days when I’m feeling pretty depressed but it’s not like it used to be. Like one of the posters above, I am now into Cognitive Behavior therapy and when you can look at something like that rationally, it may help as it has helped me. Without the meds, I can’t say that I would have tried it. Without help, I may not have survived the suicide of my baby brother which brought a lot of pain to his family. I DO know what that pain feels like but please try and find help. It is out there.

  14. Stephen
    Reply

    As a person who has chosen to die this coming week let me attempt to explain my thinking.

    I am a 35 yr old white college educated (unemployed) single male. I am in average physical health, not fit but not gasping for breath.

    I wish to die because I do not belong in this society, i do not care for the way humanity is developing, we seem more concerned about personal wealth and oneupmanship rather than appreciating the world we live in.

    I have always felt that way and i have tried to adapt to the wicked hopes of society.

    I am truly alone in my views it seems, i have tried all manners of attitude correction but continually fail, love and life are a fools dream for one such as me. My only reward is the continual misery of hurt and emptiness.

    So as much as it will hurt others and it seems selfish to those who dont walk in my shoes.

    I can only endure so much, the well of my strength and courage has run day, i have i must i will i have to die.

  15. Deadman waking
    Reply

    While not right, one can make a rational decision to take one life. I am unemployed and older worker. I cannot bear become a ward of the state living on public assistance. How may rejections must because I am too old? If society thinks we are disposable, we should give society the logical conclusion of their actions.
    A public suicide may be appropriate. What I flown on harming and kill family and others in the process even though I hold the democrat and liberal responsible for my demise.

  16. Christina
    Reply

    I agree with Brad who posted on November 7 2009, that the will to live is very strong, but i would not go as far to say that it takes courage to kill yourself. to be suicidal is to be in a state of fear and powerlessness. i don’t have sympathy for people who commit suicide because they don’t take the effort to gain perspective. i was suicidal for a number of years, and thinking back i despise how weak minded i was. i wasted a lot of time closing myself off to everyone when i should’ve been making the best of my life and enjoy life. it’s a choice to be suicidal. you have to decide to let go of the pain you feel and appreciate what you have

  17. Tess 2
    Reply

    I have to disagree with the last poster in that suicide can be part of a disease called depression. I have never felt shame or despised myself or anyone else for having a disease they didn’t understand why they got it and why it makes them feel and act the way they do. Although I believe many people have similarities in those feelings such as hopelessness, worthlessness, emotional pain, etc., I believe that our minds process these differently from person to person leading to different thoughts and actions. The person who completes suicide could have a different mindset from the one who is thinking of committing suicide to the one who seeks help. Knowing those feelings, I cannot help but feel anything but compassion for those who have completed suicide. I believe the ones who commit suicide out of revenge are the ones who were selfish and did not appreciate what they had. Like I said; I think some people’s mindsets are different and some are so far in that black hole, they can’t see/understand what there is to appreciate.

    If I had not gotten help, I think Tess’ post in April would have been my wake up call. I too am a Tess. I too stayed here for my son because I feared his future and even in my state of mind, I could do better. I have gotten better through meds and I also lived through the suicide of my baby brother.

    For someone out there, it might take just one positive blog or conversation with someone to be able to say they are not alone and decide they want to seek help.

  18. Someoneaskingthesamequestion
    Reply

    I’m white young- 27- and appear educated so i’m told and I struggle with why I should continue to live. What stops me? I hate the enduring legacy of suicide more than I dislike staying alive and alone most of the time. I am excluded from the norms of so called society. I could be a useful productive member of the community but I am not allowed to participate because I’m regarded as useless, mad, bad and dangerous to know. However here I sit after a failed attempt at blotting out existance in an institution being told that apparently i’m sane and I ask myself do sane people commit suicide too? The psychiatrists say I don’t have a psychiatric illness. I am not mentally ill. This makes me think when they asked me today what I thought I was gaining or could gain from remaining here? I said “stopping me from jumping”. One of them said “only you can stop yourself from jumping” I am worthless. I am a spare part. I burden my very few and far between rare friends or so called from time to time or more frequently so with my angst and traumas. I am nothing but a burden to them. I drag them down with me alive or dead. Except the difference with suicide is that its an end. Its an end to the suffering when they know to suffer with you but a shock to others who hold hopes or only get the illusion of competancy and “happiness”. I’ll be glad not to know me when I do finally die. This is the thing – noone wants to know . They are all far too busy or fearful of contamination of the “doesn’t fit in bug” or the “experienced/ing traumas bug”. Noone wants to be there for anything fun. Its necessity calls only at best. I am of little value or at least that is how I am made to feel all too often. Perhaps I had too higher expectations from life. Perhaps I am “spoilt” -despite my raw deal which makes me a social leper to those who might actually be interesting company. I am a target from those who percieve me as unbreakable and those who see the vulnerability and most of those somewhere in between. Perhaps thats because noone cares to try protect me from the negative influences of which there are many and I have yet to learn or to care to protect myself. Abuse for me is the norm. Rejection or abandonment is the norm , so why bother engage?

    What is the point? Is there a point? i do not condone nor condemn suicide. I don’t like the idea of imposing my choice of time on my death – the end to my conscious sentience but neither do I like the idea of living with this imposed sentience and sentence- a life sentence of the grief of what Is denied by “normal society” and I wonder what is wrong with me? Is there something that I just can’t see? Is this depression? They say because I said I like the internet, watching some tv when i can’t sleep I can’t just be depressed and thats its normal to feel this way given the crap i’ve lived through. The thought of the pattern of abuse I just can’t seem to avoid continuing in whatever shpae or form is unbearable and i’m really not sure if there is a way to end this cycle of despair without death.
    Suicidality i have come to realize is the desire to change something that you just feel so so so powerless to alter that only death seems to be an answer. It is an answer . Its not nec wrong but its not nec right. There might be 1001 solutions to this puzzle.
    If It was just me I’d quite gladly die tmrw but here we are all under the same sky and this world is not an easy place to be. Why don’t we make life easier on each other and accept a little pain and do something to make it less harsh somehow so when we die we know we did do something decent, something good , something that made a positive difference? If every person did a little something it could make a world of difference. The problem is we seem to live in a world of indifference and selfish persuits of happiness competition and status chasing. I don’t think suicide is always a selfish act at all. Sometimes It could be quite selfless and actually the desire for someone to remain alive and suffer is actually selfishness on the part of those relatively or completely unaffected by the individuals suffering and turmoil. The issue with sanity is impulsiveness and true intent, in my opinion.
    What is rational? and what is the rationale? I don’t think anyone can make a sweeping judgement of generalization- even if they think they might have been there themselves.
    I’ve sought help and help is not here, nor there , nor anywhere. Its down to me appraently so again I am alone and those in the know are alone with that knowledge too. Its a myth that people who talk about suicide rarely actually do it. Some do. What is sanity? Why is wanting to endure and survive beyond resistance a hallmark of sanity?

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  21. Lost
    Reply

    My daughter committed suicide a month ago. Let me tell you, right now I am so mad at her and so sad at the same time.
    She was only 34 yrs old, just newly remarried and had two boys. She finally had her life together. She actually seemed like she was happy.
    To all of you that think suicide is the answer to your problems, you have no idea the pain you are putting the people who love you through.

  22. EllieElegance
    Reply

    Sorry – I get where your comming from – its increased I personally have had 4 close friends over the last 5 yrs kill themselves (all under the age of 23) It’s safe to say it hurt me, But after suffering severe depression myself and attempting that act but obviously not succeeding i know its not an act of selfishness.

    People pretend to be happy people on the outside – in fact its more selfish of other people to think people should be happy and if their sad or manically depressed there not worthy of time = many people share this view. So, if someone does kill themselves – it hurts us but if they were that unhappy sometimes it seems like the best answer to them. Anyone contemplating suicide doesnt purposefully do it to upset someone they do it because they feel the need to get out of this world.
    And if people continue to frown upon those diagnosed with a illness such as depression then the rates are only going to get higher.

    I’m happy i didnt follow through, But in all honesty out of the past 7 yrs ive still had days like that and i do try to think what it would do to my friends because i know what it did to me – and i’m lucky i have the mind set to do that .

  23. ctrlaltdelete
    Reply

    untill you have been in that state of mind you will never be able to understand… its not a math problem or a brain teaser that you can work at till you understand it. i say this because thats me, ive wanted for so long to do it but cant see making my family suffer that.. but i can not control the thoughts.. suicidal thoughts arent chosen, they just creep into your mind and they are so convincing. does it make me crazy that i think them? thats not for anyone to decide? that is the very reason suicidal people dont talk to people about it because you question our sanity because the pain in our lives has out weighed our ability to cope… its like being paralized..you want to want on your own but you just cant make your legs work… i agre along the lines that we could use some help but help isnt free and money is an issue when you dont have any..so what can one do cus if was something that could just be turned off like a light then wouldnt i do that… all i am saying is somethings are not able to be understood by everyone especially if you have never walked in my shoes…..

  24. Joyce Sherrer
    Reply

    My son tried to committ suicide almost 2 years ago, As I stood there watching the paramedics working on him, seeing the life go out of my child, his face turning blue,a part of me died that day because he died but they got him back. I cannot begin to explain the pain, the heartbreak I felt for my son and for myself. I could not even take a breath it hurt so bad. All the way to the hospital was touch and go. It was the longest trip I have ever had to endure and all I could think was “why and what did I do wrong to make him do this to himself”. I had to call his sisters to tell them and the cries of hurt, anger and astonishment were pure anguish to my ears and my heart. “Oh God, why is this happening”, was ringing in my ears and I had no answer. My son was not aware of anything that was happening to him.I have not ever felt so many emotions go through my body and mind at one time as I did that life-changing moment. My baby, my son, survivied his attempt. With the joy of knowing he was going to make it also came a whole new outbreak of emotions that I could never put into words and even if I could the pain wouldn’t allow it.
    Two years later, my son is working and going to school full time and is doing great, what a blessing he is where he is today but even with that blessing comes the question, the one that stays in the back of your mind all the time and your guard never comes down and I never felt so alone as I did during the time of getting help for him and for us. If not for the support group we were in, I’m not sure where any of us would be at this time. Because of his attempt, the life changing moment, a lot of things in our lives have changed, faith shaken but not lost, part of our lives were torn apart but other parts open new doors and then there is hope.My son wants to council people and my husband and I are starting a support group for survivors of suicide and suicide attempts. we want to let people know they are not alone. We want to give support, encouragement, love and hope.
    I want to say to all of you who feel you are worthless, you are wrong. You are of great worth, I just hope you can somehow realize that. For those who think everyone would be better off if you were gone, you are wrong. There are so many people who love you and need you and want you to stay around.For people who are abused are have been abused, use that as your strength to over come and make you bigger, better and stronger(and I speak from experience). For those of you who feel so alone please try new coping skills,( I had too) and I found for me they help. My thing is reaching out to others, painting( that could include canvas, furniture and even lots of walls), pick up the phone and call someone even if it is a crisis number, the thing is, do something, anything but don’t hurt yourself. Your life is vailable even if you don’t think so. If I could I would wrap my arms around ever single one of you and tell you how much you are loved and truly mean it. My heart breaks evertime I hear someone dying from suicide and suicide attempts. Even if you don’t believe in God, please get down on your knees and cry out to him. Tell him everything you think and about the pain, the hurt and the angry, the lonely feelings and even if your mad at him. He is there and he does listen and he can give you the tools to help get through the helpless times. Keep praying over and over, you have nothing to lose but everything to gian. Some off you will read this and think I am full of crap and others will read this and see some hope but for all of you somehow, someway, I want you all to live. You are loved, you are great, and you count. So keep on trying, keep on keeping on, you do matter. God Bless you all.

  25. ctrlaltdelete
    Reply

    i agree with (Someoneaskingthesamequestion) i dont think suicide is a very selfish act at all personally i think it is rather selfish of everyone else to think that i should stay here and suffer whatever it is im suffering because you or other people would be hurt when obviously that is the reason for wanting to die. because im hurting. but we pretend to be happy so that others wont judge us, wich in return makes me feel worse because i cant just be myself because i have to be happy around every one else. no one understands just how hard that is. there is this overwhelming desire to die, it doesnt matter if it is by my hand or someone elses.. i just want to die.. ive always gone to church and tithed and pray constantly but i can never feel any better. im in the same situation. i feel neglected by my father in heaven because he said in his word that he would never put more on me than i could bare. but obviously this load is too heavy if im contenplating death as my way out of this miserable existance. then i feel better for a few days but i never stop thinking about ways to die. i thinks its unfair for people to think that i should stay here and suffer because someone else would be hurt.. some days i really want to not think about it but its so powerful. the thoughts they happen on their own. also as just a side note why do people think that if your suicidal that you dont belive in god? i do and i want nothing more than for him to give me some hope or to help me think straight. but i feel abandoned by him too. depression is a serious thing and it is a sensitive subject to discuss with someone. especially if they are suicidal.. today is one of the few days or at this very moment im doing ok so guess ill live another day.

  26. ctrlaltdelete
    Reply

    i agree with (Someoneaskingthesamequestion) i dont think suicide is a very selfish act at all personally i think it is rather selfish of everyone else to think that i should stay here and suffer whatever it is im suffering because you or other people would be hurt when obviously that is the reason for wanting to die. because im hurting. but we pretend to be happy so that others wont judge us, wich in return makes me feel worse because i cant just be myself because i have to be happy around every one else. no one understands just how hard that is. there is this overwhelming desire to die, it doesnt matter if it is by my hand or someone elses.. i just want to die.. ive always gone to church and tithed and pray constantly but i can never feel any better. im in the same situation. i feel neglected by my father in heaven because he said in his word that he would never put more on me than i could bare. but obviously this load is too heavy if im contenplating death as my way out of this miserable existance. then i feel better for a few days but i never stop thinking about ways to die. i thinks its unfair for people to think that i should stay here and suffer because someone else would be hurt.. some days i really want to not think about it but its so powerful. the thoughts they happen on their own. also as just a side note why do people think that if your suicidal that you dont belive in god? i do and i want nothing more than for him to give me some hope or to help me think straight. but i feel abandoned by him too. depression is a serious thing and it is a sensitive subject to discuss with someone. especially if they are suicidal.. today is one of the few days or at this very moment im doing ok so guess ill live another day.

  27. blah101
    Reply

    Suicide is a complex topic there is never one reason, but usually a multitude of things that has a devastating outcome. Sometimes you just feel so unlucky like nothing goes your way, I don’t know the exact thought process of those who are suicidal but I guess every person is different.

  28. Michael
    Reply

    Simply a person feels like a cornered scorpion, instead of fighting off their predator (emotional problems, death in family, debt) they decide to sting themselves….it’s a fear of one’s inability to control something that is outside of their power, and we all do that, it just depends on how much we can survive without this lack of power over our lives….and i agree with a lot of comments above that it’s not a selfish act, it’s just a person does not know where to turn next….

  29. Nora
    Reply

    I was depressed all my life while getting my education, staying married, having kids. Now looking back I think I didn’t know how else to live. After having a postpartum depression, having suicidal thoughts and being treated for it, I love life more than ever. I don’t want to be where I was for 30 years, but I didn’t have the right tools to escape the previous life either. My personality hasn’t changed, every day is a struggle, but I cherish every moment of my life now and I’m trying to stay happy. Hard but possible. “Normal” people don’t get it. Please seek for help, medications and psychological, it’s worth it

  30. adam
    Reply

    I lost a brother to suicide. I get why people do it. It takes balls to take ones life and leave loved one be-hide.

    I have only ever love two people in my whole love, there love and there LOVE. I LOVED my brother and I lost him. I LOVE my ex and Im losing her. She wants to be friends with benefits, because I love her so much I agreed. Do you no how hard it is to love a girl and not be loved back. I can feel her slipping away. I feel like joining my brother. For theres nothing but pain ahead , my life bar her has been pure pain. This is the only girl for me. I cant go on and watch her date other guys. I want her so so much, she is my world and I ruined it. Now Im her door-mate.

    and I am sound of mind. Like someone said, its like a weight that keeps being added. Theres only so much one can take. Im at my limit

  31. CG
    Reply

    I think of suicide every day, for 20 minutes to one hour. It’s not because my voices are telling me to, It’s not because I do not think people care about me and they would be better off without me. But it is in fact because I am in a position which can not be fixed. I have tried to fix it. It can not go away with medicine, I have tried. I tried getting in contact with the people that have caused me harm, and they ignored me. I have tried counseling, and they say it is not real.(how many psychologists actually investigate?) I do not want to commit suicide at all. But I keep on thinking what my life could of been, instead of living in the now and trying to enjoy the present. I know for a fact I can get out of this suicidal frame of mind if only the people responsible for their damages at least talk to me.
    But it is in fact because of money, and the risk to their reputation that they refuse to do so. It is a cruel world out there, controlled by money, and greed and ego, and reputation. It’s not about harmony, peace, equality and justice. It’s not.

  32. SS
    Reply

    This is my view, a teenager who has experienced what it feels like to no longer be around, I’m not insane but I know my way of thinking wasn’t right either. I wrote it as a small story, what I felt, what I did and what I thought. It is not made up and I hope it gives some sort of insight on the topic- especially young adults. So please read with an open mind.

    ‘My eyes look vacant as I trudge down the high street; a slow walk that even the elderly manage to bypass. I wasn’t completely aware of my surroundings but the air was damp and grey clouds hover above the row of buildings; the shop signs hung largely from most of the ageing constructions and lights behind the branch names beamed for shoppers attention. I kept my eyes trained onto the moist concrete below me, my hands buried themselves in the front pouch of my dark jacket, it was very large on me since the hem hangs below my thighs, and my black jeans hugged my legs. My hood was down revealing a face etched with misplacement even though rain began to plummet in a heavy downpour. The flock of figures scurried to find shelter from the harsh fall of precipitation; I was screened by the thick, silver sheet in its intense descent and carried on walking, at a tortoise pace, through the hammering, cold liquid. I didn’t bother to lift up my hood since I had other things on my mind.

    I always feel alone. Even when my friends are around me, I just feel isolated. They don’t notice luckily, I wouldn’t want them to… If they knew the real me I would become a complete stranger, even in the view of my family… They wouldn’t recognise the real me, they may think that they know me well but they don’t. I’ve become more of a stranger to myself than anyone really, what I have become just seemed to happen before I had a chance to react. I’m so lonely; always looking for someone significant to me, or vice versa, but I guess I’m just going to grow old by myself without meaning any ounce of importance to anyone… That’s if I decide to carry on.

    I know I think too much, which has become unhealthy for me, but I can’t help it. My brain just loves to torture my heart with expectations and my heart loves to disappoint my thoughts with false hopes. Its a war inside of me, but the outcome for either side won’t be beneficial; I will only end up waking away with my head low and a heavy chest… A headache and a broken heart.

    I sigh and run a hand through my hair which is darkened by rain and stuck to my face ‘why do I belong here?’… Another thing that I think too often- well question, is my existence. I’m no great person and my ambitions in life have lost their colour, also, I don’t see what use I am to anyone let alone life itself. I’m grateful, yes, but I’m also scared. I fear the good things in life, I know it sounds stupid, but, when something good has happen, the worst always comes afterwards, for me anyway.

    So what do I do? I face the bad, but it always shatters me into pieces. I become mentally exhausted and physically spent for no good reason. I’m always on the mend and now I want to give up, I’m fed up of having to fix myself only to crumble over again, and guess which part hurts the most? It’s the healing… Never does it come easily or nicely although I wish it would.

    I want to give into the idea of heaven or hell; that’s if they even exist, if not I would be content with just the darkness and solitude which death offers. Maybe it’s the only way that I can be at peace, no longer being around for anyone to thrive on making my life a misery. Happiness is for those who deserve it, I know I’m not happy otherwise I wouldn’t have these thoughts.

    I blink at the noise of the street flooding back into my ears with that familiar crash of rain. My recent thoughts slowly began to melt away but the idea of suicide left me wandering aimlessly down the back alley of some shops, marred by graffiti and dirt. ‘No-one will notice, it’s only me’ there they were again, judgements. I could feel tears welling in my blue eyes and my throat worked a painful gulp. I don’t know what I am doing here but the trash cluttered and flooding lane gave a feel of privacy, something that I need. My footfalls are slow, dragged down by a heavy weight on my shoulders as I continued right down to the dead end, my end. How do I know it is my end? Well … Really I don’t, I’m only sixteen years old after all, although I just can’t seen to give life a try no matter how much I coax myself into living … The more I do, the uglier the world gets.

    In my pocket was a blade, a tiny thing. I managed to break open a normal sharpener and retrieve the small silver weapon. It was sharp alright, I had already been testing it along the flesh of my right forearm, even a faint drag caused red to seep a trail. I pulled it out and just stared at it, as if an engravement of some sorts would suddenly appear in the cutting edge, giving me an answer on how to attain contentment.

    Hesitantly, I rolled up my sleeve and pressed the cold steel to my right arm. Slowly I began to pile pressure onto the blade until it dug deep into my flesh. ‘Come on! Do it’ my eyes shut tight with concentration but my body quivered in fear at the feel of the steel poking near my vein. A loud bang startled me and the sharpener blade slipped across my skin, causing me to bleed but nothing serious. My hands tremble as I fidgeted for the razor in a blind panic. Shakily, I picked up the silver object and fumbled to place it back into my pocket.

    The noise came from a mindless pigeon which must of flown full speed into the window pane of one of the buildings. I watch its feathers scatter with the rain and the body fall. The poor thing was lifeless and hit the ground with a sickening crunch just near me. Drops of my blood fell onto the floor, the water drifted it in with the blood of the pigeon, the crimson mingled together before being washed away.

    I held my hands to my face and hid my flaring cheeks, I was disgraced as I couldn’t of believed what the hell I was about to do, It ashamed me deeply. My knees gave in, I slumped to the soaked floor and doubled over to let out my pent up sorrow as a loud, pitiful wail. My cries were drowned out by the loud drone of air vents and the roaring impact of fat droplets hitting the ground. My face was streaked with hot wet lines and small hiccups caused my shoulders to jolt with an intake of a loud, shuddery gasp.

    My world has diminished and my body shook with frustration, guilt and horror. I’m such a selfish being, there are others out there who would love to live my life because theirs are much worst. I know that I need to grow a thicker skin but everything just gets to me and I don’t know what to do other than escape it, I thought death would be my only choice but I can’t seem to do it even though I want everything to end. I feel utterly torn by natural instinct and lost hope.’

    Thankyou.

  33. Bill Bennett
    Reply

    G’day,i have wanred to top myself for a while now but its only the guilt and “what would the neigbours and family think” that stops me,my funeral and the intolerable sadness that it will cause stops me.
    I wish i was born an unempathic person,oh,how i wish i dident care about others…..
    Billy Bolgart

  34. SJ
    Reply

    Personally you are an idiot, how can you post on suicide when you have no damn idea how it feels or what that person was going through. My best friend committed suicide at the age of 14 he had a father who beat the hell out of him most days and tried to live mainly at my house to avoid the beatings and one day after school he went home got a beating and decided that wasn’t life, my cousin committed suicide at 11 his mother was a prostitute he was being sold as one too as well as having a step father who beat him everyday to “so called keep him strong” My father committed suicide at the age of 62 he shot himself, for no reason there were no signs he just woke up the day after his birthday and shot himself, no suicide note nothing. My best friend and my cousin didn’t leave suicide notes either, but I can tell you something it took a lot of courage for them to do what they did, they never burdened anyone with their problems and yes I think about them all the time but I respect them for what they chose to do with their lives, after all we don’t know the real reason they did it, it may not have been the beatings who knows, my dad was getting on in life but he was healthy and chose to leave this earth and go to a place of peace, love and joy without having to work for it and prove yourself to people. So please if you have never experienced lose to suicide don’t try and write about it, you have no idea, stick to something you know, like your beautiful perfect world where people don’t commit suicide… You’re a damn idiot!!!!

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